Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
