I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
