Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
