During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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