His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
