last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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