Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
