I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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