Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
