i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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