He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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