Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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