I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
