Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
