No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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