She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't put those talents on a resume
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
