hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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