i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
