its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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