'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
