You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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