she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
