Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
