I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
