Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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