He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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