if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
