You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
