That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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