Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
