i permit you to call me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
