the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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