you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
