Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize