The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize