Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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