i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
