Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
