On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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