cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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