Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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