Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
