it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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