wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize