I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
