it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
