he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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