Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
