Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
