just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
