I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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