Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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