I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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