I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
