best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
