Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
