just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
