wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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