so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
