If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
