i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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