No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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