I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How external is "for external use only"?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
