Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
