What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
